Self Portrait

I've got a new toy. It's a free programme for image editing. I've been having a lot of fun exploring its possibilities. It's probably nothing special, but enough to keep me occupied:)

Today I started playing around with a picture of myself and ended up with this. Somehow I like it. You do the analysing;)



(Obviously I should be doing something completely different...but it's been a long day already and I needed a break)

Little Victories

Last weekend I was teaching in a workshop on "spiritual gifts" (armolahjat, right?). I had 8 active and wonderful participants. It was fun, blessed and tiring.

The most surprising part was the feed-back. I'm not surprised at all to see God at work, He did some wonderful things during our weekend:) What did surprise me was the way people were describing me. The words used included: Warm, Inspiring, Wise, Convincing, Encouraging...

I'm quite touched by these wonderful words. It makes me think that God always does more through me than I can see. He has a way of making me feel blessed and loved.

My Colour

you are darkviolet #9400D3

Your dominant hues are blue and magenta. You're the one who goes to all the parties but doesn't quite fit in at every one... you know what you want, but are afraid of what the world might think of it. You're a little different and that's okay with them, and if you're smart it's okay with you too. Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right. Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

I find it quite fitting:)

Concerning the sleep issues I've gotten some good advice and am trying to follow it. Thank you for the encouragement!

Again and Again

I have six types of recurring dreams:

1. Dreams where different animals try to eat me (a bear most recently)
2. Dreams where I try to walk uphill, but it's too steep
3. Dreams with filthy and/or broken bathrooms
4. Dreams with little girls (doing many different things, quite often running away from me)
5. Dreams where I'm lost and can't find my way home (or can't find the right bus/train etc.)
6. Dreams where I'm at work and everything goes wrong (and nobody listens to me)


Yes, I have had trouble sleeping for months.
Yes, I am a Freudian field trip.

It's coming to a point where I don't want to go to bed anymore. My mind's too busy.

Fun, huh?

The Joy of Giving

All wrapped up and nowhere to go! How many nights until Christmas?




Merry Christmas to everyone:)

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come. Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare Him room, and heaven and nature sing, and heaven and nature sing, and heaven, and heaven and nature sing!"

Pathetic!

I'm a bit dissappointed... I would have thought I'd do better than this;)

34%

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Ps. The picture is a bit weird, but it says 34%.

Allmost in Sight

Where do my tears come from?
Is it hormones (those little bastards) or the boy nextdoor, who called me fat?
I don't believe it's either.

This is where they come from:
To be alone on a busstop in the middle of unknown countryside and not know how to get home.
I miss my mom, I want a hug.
I miss so much that my arms ache with the need to touch.
And the sun, that old enemy, shines in the cloudless sky so brightly that I can find no shelter. No comfort.

What do you want from me?
I don't feel love, not even a glimpse of warmth.
My lips speak, but everything feels empty.
My insides are full of emptyness.
An empty echo that doesn't know how to miss.
That doesn't want anything more.

My pains just bounce undecidedly back and forth and bump into each other.
My fears take over and start to rule the desert as if it was a kingdom.

Where did you go? You, who were supposed to rule?
When did my king escape?
I did not notice a revolution.
Have you left, even if I have been on my knees begging for you to stay?
Have you left me alone to listen to these echos that have nothing to do with the truth anymore?

Has silence come so I would finally listen?

I am afraid.

You must embrace your pain. Does that go for fear as well?
I want to own it, as my pain is my pain.

But I insist that you come back.
Without you there will be no order in this chaos.
Only your words hold life in them.

I want to dare to need.
Dare to ask for help and support.

Give me beautiful words!

Even if they were empty, as long as they trickle down my back like milk.
I need it. Send your people to talk to me.

Talk to me about love.
______________________

PS. This is something I wrote over 2 years ago. I recently re-read it and felt like sharing: it's amazing how much can happen in two years!