This is a prayer I found at Rita's blog (http://savedbygrace.blogdrive.com). It really puts into words many of the feelings I'm going through right now. After reading it out loud I felt a lot more peaceful!
Dear Lord,
I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And it's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them. In Jesus' name I pray.
Amen
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
Upside Down
The past few weeks have been a time of confusion and surrealism. I find it very hard to concentrate on every day life when such huge things are about to happen. Or not. That's the source of all my most confusing feelings. I try not to get too excited even if my heart tells me to celebrate. I'm living in an inner conflict and it's starting to wear me out. I feel better knowing that in a coupple of weeks I will know for sure.
For a long time now I have felt that God is telling me "not yet". That is a very annoying answer when you are surrounded by people asking questions like "where do you see yourself in five years?". I just want to refer them to God and his ever-lasting yellow traffic light. Please ask the Lord! Maybe he will tell you what he's not telling me!
And now the yellow is suddenly changing into green. Faster than I expected, not in the way I expected. One day I say my prayer and expect to hear the usual "not yet". Instead I hear a very loud and clear "yes". And this is the question: Why am I now feeling so restless and confused?
This is what I have been waiting for and now that it's happened I don't know how to feel. Instead of being happy and confident I feel worried, insecure and small. And in secret I whisper the words I don't want anyone to hear:
I can't do this.
Sound familiar? Someone else has said the same thing: "I am nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" (Exodus 3:11). And God's answer to Moses was clear and simple: "I will be with you, and when you bring the people out of Egypt, you will worship me on this mountain. That will be the proof that I have sent you." (Exodus 3:12).
The trick is that the proof comes after the fact. Both Moses and myself have to go with our insecurities and worries. And in the middle of action, in the middle of challenges and in the middle of mission impossible God will prove his loyalty. It is by doing that faith becomes reality.
For a long time now I have felt that God is telling me "not yet". That is a very annoying answer when you are surrounded by people asking questions like "where do you see yourself in five years?". I just want to refer them to God and his ever-lasting yellow traffic light. Please ask the Lord! Maybe he will tell you what he's not telling me!
And now the yellow is suddenly changing into green. Faster than I expected, not in the way I expected. One day I say my prayer and expect to hear the usual "not yet". Instead I hear a very loud and clear "yes". And this is the question: Why am I now feeling so restless and confused?
This is what I have been waiting for and now that it's happened I don't know how to feel. Instead of being happy and confident I feel worried, insecure and small. And in secret I whisper the words I don't want anyone to hear:
I can't do this.
Sound familiar? Someone else has said the same thing: "I am nobody. How can I go to the king and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" (Exodus 3:11). And God's answer to Moses was clear and simple: "I will be with you, and when you bring the people out of Egypt, you will worship me on this mountain. That will be the proof that I have sent you." (Exodus 3:12).
The trick is that the proof comes after the fact. Both Moses and myself have to go with our insecurities and worries. And in the middle of action, in the middle of challenges and in the middle of mission impossible God will prove his loyalty. It is by doing that faith becomes reality.
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